Make Note of Changes

An important part of your experience at CMU is the relationships that you develop with your peers. Part of caring for peers is paying attention to how they are doing emotionally and physically.

Students and developing adults experience a range of emotions, including stress. Although everyone feels stress at many points in their lives, it is important to be aware when stress transforms into distress, manifesting itself in ways that affect lifestyle or normal function.

Distress feels different for everybody.  As a friend, you may notice when someone is in distress when you notice changes in their normal routine or way of thinking or feeling.

Here is a list of symptoms or changes you many observe.  This list is not exhaustive but it can give you a good starting point on things to pay attention to:

• Sleep – difficulties falling asleep, difficulties sleeping throughout the night, sleeping too much, not wanting to get out of bed, avoiding sleep by staying up all night.
• Appetite – eating more, eating less, or choosing foods different from normal habits.
• Social Withdrawal – withdrawing from family and friends (not wanting to talk to them or see them), staying by oneself, avoiding social situations, avoiding classes.
• Focus/Concentration – difficulty paying attention in class, difficulties focusing on assignments, having to reread the same paragraph over and over again in order to understand the reading.
• Mood – sad, irritable, anxious, restless, worried, hopeless.
• Energy Level – sustained decrease in energy level and motivation, or having too much energy (e.g., unable to sleep or turn off thoughts).
• Behavior Changes – acting differently than usual (e.g., talking back at people, “not caring” attitude, not performing as usual, not engaging in activities formally enjoyed, increased substance abuse, engaging in other self destructive behavior).

How you can help

If you have identified a friend who you think is in distress or going through a tough time, or a friend has approached you seeking support, here are a few suggestions on how to help.

• Take the person aside and talk to him/her in private. Try to give the other person your undivided attention. Just a few minutes of listening might enable him or her to make a decision about what to do.
• Be honest and direct, but nonjudgmental. Take the initiative to ask what is troubling your friend and attempt to overcome reluctance to talk about it.
• Share what you have observed and why it concerns you. For example: "I've noticed that you've been missing class a lot lately and you aren't answering your phone or text messages like you used to. I'm worried about you."
• Listen carefully and with sensitivity. Listen in an open minded and nonjudgmental way.
• Note that distress often comes from conflicting feelings or demands. Acknowledge this, and from time to time, paraphrase what the other person is saying, which communicates your efforts to support and understand him/her. For example: "It sounds like on the one hand, you very much want to please your family, but on the other hand, you aren't sure that what they want for you is what you really want to do."
• Make a referral. Encourage the person to consider visiting CaPS. Consider offering to call CaPS with them or walk over with them if they are in immediate need of support. Please call ahead if possible.
• Follow up. Let the person know that you'll be checking back with him or her later to see how things turned out.
• Responding in a caring way. This can help the person feel less lonely and more hopeful. It can also prevent the distressed person's situation from escalating into a crisis.

Get Crisis Support

A crisis is subjective and personal and it can range from mild to life-threatening. When a person is in an emotional crisis, it should always be taken seriously and we encourage you to respond in a caring and immediate way. Here are a few examples of what you may see or hear from a person going through a crisis:

• Extreme agitation or panic
• References to or threats of suicide, or other types of self-harm
• Threats of assault, both verbal and physical
• Highly disruptive behavior: physical or verbal hostility, violence, destruction of property
• Inability to communicate (e.g., slurred or garbled speech, disjointed thoughts)
• Disorientation, confusion, loss of contact with conventional reality

Call immediately for assistance if someone you know is exhibiting some of the above behaviors or you believe the person might harm him/herself or someone else. If it feels safe to do so, remain with the person until she or he is connected to professional help.

Phone numbers to use:

Off-Campus Emergencies: 911
On-Campus Emergencies: 412-268-2323
CaPS 24/7 Crisis Support: 412-268-2922
You can also stop by our office during regular hours, Monday through Friday from 8:30 a.m. – 4 p.m.

Take care of yourself

We encourage students to be active members of the CMU community, attending to and caring for others around you. However, we also want you to take care of yourself and maintain healthy boundaries. Your own well-being is as important as that of the person in distress. In helping others, it is important to be aware of your own needs and recognize the limits of what you can or cannot do.

You don’t have to do this alone. If you are genuinely concerned for someone or you see someone in distress, it may be a good idea to contact someone else to share your concerns with (e.g., friends, staff member, family member, professor, coach, therapist).

You may contact CaPS directly to seek advice on how to handle the situation.

Consultation

During your time at CMU you may encounter a student who is going through a tough time or experiencing some kind of distress. We offer consultation services for staff, faculty, advisors, or administrators. Consultation can address such issues as campus and community services, referring a student to services, and intervening with a student in distress.

If you see a student in trouble, you can help. We encourage faculty and staff members to respond to problematic student behavior unless the behavior is threatening or violent. While a few students might not welcome being approached, it is always best to attempt to talk with the student about your concerns and offer help. Approaching a distressed student in a caring and supportive way very often helps the student open up and share their thoughts with you. By engaging in this way, you can help them identify where and how to get help.

The following is a list of distress indicators you might observe in students:

• Disruptive Behavior – student exhibiting inappropriate behavior in a classroom or public spaces. 
• Observable Changes – distinct changes in academic performance, withdrawal from others, changes in class participation, crying, outbursts of anger, increased or decreased activity, and poor attendance are examples of significant behavioral changes.
• Physical Complaints – students who repeatedly report physical illness or symptoms may be experiencing psychological problems. A change in eating patterns, sleep disturbances, fatigue, stomach aches, and pain are some common complaints that may be related to psychological problems.
• Alcohol and Drug Abuse – coming to class or a meeting when intoxicated or high is a serious signal. It may become a problem that interferes with social, academic, and work functioning.
• Academic Problems – students who have a noticeable decline in their academic performance may be feeling overwhelmed with other areas of their lives. Some students come to classes with difficulty concentrating, completing assignments, or performing well on exams.
• Talking about Suicide – any instance in which a student talks or writes about suicide should be taken seriously. If you suspect a student might be thinking about suicide but aren’t sure, you should express your concern and ask them directly. If you become aware of a student who is considering suicide, please make an immediate referral to CaPS.

If a student is falling behind in your class, consider the possibility that he/she may be struggling with one or more of these concerns. Most CMU students do not struggle academically because they lack the necessary intellect. They may be in some kind of distress, which is impacting their academic performance. While this does not excuse them from meeting academic expectations, your patience and helpful intervention could make a big difference in their emotional well-being and academic success. In some cases, your student might benefit from a referral for professional help.

What to Do

Your expression of concern may provide students the motivation they need to seek appropriate help or services. CaPS is available for consultation with faculty and staff if you are concerned about a student, unsure of an appropriate intervention, or need help in locating the appropriate resources.

Here is a list of suggestions on how to respond to a student:

1. Approach the student in a private setting, such as your office.
2. Include a description of the problem behavior you are observing and the specific consequences you see.
3. Remind the student that you are doing this out of genuine concern for him/her.
4. Remain calm and approach the student with a caring and supportive tone.
5. Listen carefully and encourage the student’s efforts to ask for help.
6. Help the student develop an action plan that addresses the problem.
7. Consider cultural differences that may be impacting the articulation of the issue, their expectations, and external pressures.

Making the Referral

For most students, you can simply give them CaPS number or direct them to the second floor of Morewood Gardens, E-Tower.

If you are concerned about their motivation to follow through or you would like to share your concerns with the therapist, it may be helpful to call ahead to speak with the therapist and walk them over.

Crisis Support

If you feel that a student is in crisis, you can call CaPS (412-268-2922) or have the student call from your office. The CaPS receptionist will take some initial information and route your call appropriately. We will likely attempt to talk with the student directly, if possible, and we will schedule a meeting with the student within an appropriate time frame.

If you think a student is at high risk for suicide, then it’s best to not leave them alone. We encourage you to call CaPS for consultation or CMU Police if the student is immediately in serious danger. If you feel comfortable, you can walk them to CaPS during business hours if they are willing. If so, please call ahead to let us know you are coming.

CMU Police Department (412-268-2323) can provide assistance if a student is acting aggressively or violently. The officers have experience working with students in crisis and can provide options for further assistance. They will contact CaPS staff as needed. Once at CaPS, we will meet with the student for an evaluation and to assess safety and level of risk. We will develop, together with the student, a plan of action that best fits their needs.

Staff and faculty may also contact the Student Life Office or the Office of the Dean of Student Affairs so that the appropriate housefellow or college liaison may get involved to assist both you and the student.

Checking on the Well-Being of a Student

Family members concerned because their student has been out of communication for a significant length of time should call either the Student Life Office or the Office of the Dean of Student Affairs so that the appropriate housefellow or college liaison can help to locate your student.

Family members with strong reason to believe that their student’s physical safety is immediately in danger should contact:

Off-campus – Pittsburgh Police
911 or 412-255-2927

On-campus – CMU Police Department
412-268-2323

Officers can go to the student’s residence to conduct what is called a “well-being check.”

A Guide for Family Members

College students are moving through new experiences and learning about themselves along the way. These experiences and lessons are an important part of the process of maturation. As students change and grow they will likely encounter struggles. While this is a natural part of the process of becoming an adult, students might feel confused, anxious, overwhelmed, or distressed at times. Students benefit greatly by feeling supported and understood throughout the good times and the times of struggle.

Here are a few suggestions on how to support your student while at CMU:

• Stay connected. Listen to your student. Often students simply need to talk about what's going on in their lives and want a familiar, trusted person to listen.
• Ask questions. Show that you're interested in what your student is doing, how they are adjusting, and what they are learning. Your student may not want to talk in depth each time, but they will know you are there for them when they need someone to talk to.
• Allow your student to set the agenda for some of your conversations. If he or she needs help or support, make room for touchy subjects to arise and be handled calmly.
• Expect change. The later stages of adolescent development might include changes in the nature of your relationship with your student. As your student develops independence and autonomy, some changes can feel unsettling and scary. The best option is to accept that changes will and should happen, but talk with your student about the changes and work together to identify the best way to adjust.
• Remember that autonomy and responsibility are the goals. The college years are the time that individuals develop into young adults. This process benefits from a flexible and responsive parenting style that accommodates shifts of control and independence. We encourage you to talk with your student and consider negotiating new expectations along the way.

If your student contacts you in a state of distress or appears different than usual, we encourage you to remain calm and supportive while asking directly about what might be wrong. If your student is willing to talk, you can help them think through the issue and find possible options. If your student is hesitant to talk, encourage them to consider contacting CaPS, their RA, or speaking to a trusted friend/relative as a starting point. We encourage you to learn about resources available to your student in order to help them take the important step of reaching out for help.

Please check out the resources page to find out more about CMU resources available to students, resources available in the Pittsburgh community, and informational web resources.

Crisis Support

Psychological crises are subjective. They can range from mild to life-threatening and can be obvious or subtle. If you feel your student is experiencing a psychological crisis, we recommend you take your concerns seriously and respond in a caring and immediate way. Consider encouraging your student to call CaPS. Phone counselors are available after hours. If you are concerned that they can’t care for themselves, or are at risk of hurting themselves in the moment, these are the numbers to call:

Off-campus – Pittsburgh Police
911 or 412-255-2927

On-campus – CMU Police Department
412-268-2323