Carnegie Mellon University

Owning My Own Mental Hurdles

Fahim Mahdi
Carnegie Mellon University - Qatar
Modern Languages - Understanding Cultural Complexities


I believe I’m free from society's shackles. I believe I am fearless. I believe I have learned to speak my mind.

I am a Bangladeshi, born and raised in Qatar. I embody collectivist culture one hundred percent. In Bangladeshi culture when a child is born, a parent’s obligation to the society comes first and second comes the child. They are expected to bring up this child appropriately aligned with society's acceptance. My parents were expected to be “good parents” and measurement was based on my performance.

I was not going to graduate on time. I got crushed due to cultural pressure and society's expectations of me. Initially, I couldn't tell my parents about my delayed graduation. If I had spoken my mind at that time, the situation could have gotten much better. I didn't have the courage. After hiding this news for a couple of months with a heavy heart, I told my parents about my delayed graduation. I scripted a dark chapter in my family’s life. I remember when my class was walking down the stage in their graduation ceremony, it was being live streamed. My mother was watching the stream and couldn't hold her tears. Intentionally I stayed outside the whole day filled with confusion and regret.

I took a year break. This past year I avoided facing people because it would just give rise to a lot of questions. I used to lurk in the shadows like Batman and passed my life running away from this society. My parents and my siblings had to tolerate various indirect comments from people. But I couldn’t avoid my family friends. They used to visit us and used to give me positive comments or suggestions. All I heard was pity in their voice. Their intentions were good but I was getting frustrated at being the "one" who couldn't make it. Many of my friends have started a career and their parents are probably smiling. But on the other hand, I am just hurting my parents because I made them lose face in our Bangladeshi community.

When this semester started, I was nervous and my self-esteem was low. I didn’t know whether I had what it takes to finish strong. Thanks to the constant support of my parents’ and a few very close friends, I started the semester with positive energy. I started sharing more often with my family and friends about my condition. It helped me keep myself in check, because I have seen the disastrous consequence of being silent. "Understanding Cultural Complexities" - this course helped me analyze my situation and made me confident over time about myself. I got to step out of the box and see the broader picture of how culture plays a vital role in shaping people’s lives. The topics that helped me most were the collectivist theory and high context cultural analysis.

“Never say you are an old student, you just got more mature”, said the director of safety and security in CMUQ when I introduced myself as a super old senior student. His comment stuck with me. I learned to appreciate my situation and I accepted my true self. There is nothing to be ashamed of and there is no right or wrong time to pursue one's dream.

I learned a key lesson in life to never hide your feelings from people close to you. It is always better to speak your mind. It gets much easier to deal with society's othering with clear communication and a feeling of contentment.